Which of my emotions dominate? It seems like negative feelings will always dominate over anything else and that negative feelings will continue to cause unsettling and painful sensations in my body. But I cannot focus on these feelings anymore, I must cherish the good times that I have. Such feelings are of today.
When I woke up this morning, and I took the advice of an old friend - I was determined to feel good and confident, no matter what any of the other feelings I have felt this week and honestly, it did me a lot of good to do so.
I picked out my favorite pair of jeans, black v-neck tee and burgundy "mod" tank, I wore my favorite purple topaz rings and earrings and again, took the advice of an old friend and tried my hand at natural eye-shadowing colors with brown mascara, eye-liner and shadow. I put my ever-growing hair up with a one of the classy up-dos in the front that you typically see on girls and used a claw to make the back of my hair spout up with style.
I was finally ready to go to school and my sister dropped me off in AF to wait for the bus and even though it was just after seven, cold, and I couldn't see the sun yet, I was still in a good mood and practically skipped around the bus shelter to keep warm and wait for the bus.
I arrived at school without mishap or problem and as I rounded a corner while headed towards the science building I literally ran into the man who left me in the dust last Tuesday, we barely glanced at each other, and murmured our greetings and continued our separate ways. I let him and any surfaced feelings bounce off of me and I headed to physics.
Physics was good and I was happy, we watched a few videos and worked in our workbooks. ASL was good too, we watched the video from our workbook and I understood most of it. I then headed to lunch with my friend Emma and we chatted for a bit about random topics. After lunch I headed to English and we talked about King Lear and how either he was crazy at the beginning or how he went crazy at the end. After that, I headed to the ASL lab. It was at that point that my emotions had a serious downfall.
I reached into my backpack to get my wallet out, then I opened my wallet to get out my student ID and it was like one of those scenes where everything is in slow motion and strobed and you hear the theme song from Jaws. My ID was missing! I wouldn't have been so worried except for my bus pass is useless without my school ID and I can't get into the ASL Lab without it.
I felt the worry begin to burgeon inside me and my memory began flashing to figure out where the little piece of plastic, that held the key to my transportation home could be. My mind raced and finally I realized where it might be. I remembered playing pool the other day and giving my ID in order to borrow the pool ques and balls. I called my best friend, Emma, because she had been with me at the time and I couldn't get a hold of her so I did the next thing I could, and that was to head to the Institute building where I could hopefully find her.
Upon finding her she saw my pained expression and asked me what was wrong. I told her what had happened and a look of understanding brightened upon her face. She had it from the other day because I had forgotten it that day. My spirits were immediately lifted and continued to do so when one of the guys who was in the gym with us came over and asked what the sign was for "today." He asked for the sign because Emma and I typically sign to one another since we are in the same ASL class and we need the practice - but we told him what it was and he signed "you look beautiful today" to me!!! I tell you, it's one thing for someone to say it, but to have someone sign it, makes all the difference in the world to me. I didn't over-analyze it at all because I know Brady well enough to know that he didn't like me that way, but I appreciated his compliment just the same.
I was hoping to see Mark at the Institute building too and so I headed to the game room. To say the least we played pool for an hour and a half and continued to talk for about another hour and a half more after that. Let's just say I am learning how to play pool really fast and I am learning a lot about technology very fast as well.
Later on this evening I went to see "Robin Hood" at my sister's elementary school where she teaches, that play, in and of itself deserves a post for itself, but to say the least it was witty and cute and well worth my time.
Upon arrival at home, I felt at a loss for what to do when I saw that no one was online, but I didn't let myself get too down about it.
So today has been good and bad - but today, I focus on the good.
Always
~Holls
