At This Moment

~*~

And what did you think I would say at this moment?

When I'm faced with the knowledge that you just don't love me

Did you think I would curse you or say things to hurt you?

'Cause you just don't love me no more

Did you think I could hate you or raise my hands to you?

Oh come on, you know me too well

And how could I hurt you when, darlin', I love you

And you know I would never hurt you, no, no, no

~*~

I'd fall down on my knees, kiss the ground that you walk on

If I could just hold you, if I could just hold you

I would fall don, down on my knees, oh God, please

Let me hold you, let me hold you again

The preceding stanzas are selections from Michael Buble's latest album, Crazy Love, from a song called, At This Moment.

So, I have put off posting this simply because admitting the fact that still sort of hurt makes it seem to hurt all that much more. It is honestly fascinating to me to think that even when I care about someone so deeply, on a level I have never felt before and I can share the sweetest moments with a young man but it isn't enough, or I am not enough, or something...

I realize now, that if he couldn't see the value of being with me then he must not be worth being sad about, right? I mean, we never officially dated, but it seemed like it was going to go that direction and I thought things were different this time. I guess it's just hard to see someone I care about choose to not care about me in the way I thought he did and then I see the person he chooses to care about through social networks like Facebook and I wonder, what makes her better? But I can't think that way, can I? Ah, enough babbling and ranting.

My thanks goes out to my best girls who support me, (you know who you are) and the collection of varying comfort-songs that get me through the day when the day gets going!

Any advice for me?

*sigh*

~Holls

Rainy Days and Girl's Nights!

My Bestie, Christine C. (pictured from Dec '09)

The past few days have been quite cold, and unusually so since it is mid-March. Why is it that there is snow in March in UTAH?! What ever happened to spring rain, spring warmth, spring color? I don't like the snow and the wind and the cold!!! Regardless of my dislike of the current weather, I was still able to have a good time with my friends and family this weekend.

So, Friday night, I spent the chilly evening with one of my besties, Christine C. As you may have read in my post about my Dad, she is such an amazing friend. I love her to death!!! (And more!) I made dinner for her and her family, simple yet delicious, Mac & Cheese with Bacon, Shreded Tillamook Cheddar Cheese and a bit of Onion.

We then headed to the institute to dance the night away and give our legs a good work-out. By the time we were done, both of us had sore legs! We stayed up late that night (probably later than we should have) and we watched The Guardian while eating giant chocolate-covered strawberries and drinking our favorite sodas (Diet Coke for me and Dr. Pepper for Christine). Then as the movie got more intense Christine ended up reassuring me that everything was going to be ok and I also found out that she has a good arm to clutch when afraid!

On Saturday, in the morning we got up and I made breakfast for me and Christine (since we got up a bit late the boys had already eaten), we had Bacon, Eggs (with cheese and onion) and Toast with home-made jelly. It was soooo yummy! After that, we headed to Wal-Mart to do some shots with Emma and Jeremiah for the video I am making for my digital media class. It isn't done yet, but it will be!!! Below is a clip from the various shots that I took, be on the lookout for the final project soon!

What I am trying to show is...

how quality Tillamook Cheese brings people together,

take a look!

Let me know what you think about this shot.

After the filming was over, we grabbed a bite to eat for lunch and I had to head home. I took the long ride on the bus from Utah County to Salt Lake County and then took TRAX home. After mom picked me up from the station, we headed home to the beading party. There were snacks to be had, drinks to sip and necklaces to be made.

Below are the things that I worked on.

Part of a Choker made of Hemp, using the Square Knot

The entirety of the necklace and earrings I made. The Dragonfly charm lifts up to show the blue underneath and it says "Live life to the fullest." The blue earrings say "Hope" on them. I anchored on the little swirlies and the dragonfly charm using jump rings.

As we all worked we helped each other with our projects, while listening to Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr., Carrie Underwood and the Hairspray Soundtrack. Mom and Chrissy had already finished a few necklaces before I got home, but while I was there mom made a couple of pretty button necklaces and Chrissy put final touches on some unfinished projects such as a watch, she also did some repair work, such as fixing my New Moon Necklace, and she made a cool China-themed necklace too!!!

What would be a girls night with the family without Tippy's crazy antics? She ran around the room like she was high on cat-nip and she tried attacking the strings of my hemp, thinking possibly that she was trying to help, and then as she finally calmed down, she laid out flat on her back and looked at us lazily. Silly cat! I love you!

Tippy on her back...

Today, at church it was pretty interesting, the Relief Society lesson was about the Creation. Sacrament meeting was exciting, it was for the two missionaries that are leaving soon, Brother Tholke, who is leaving for Argentina and Brother Littlewood, who is leaving for Connecticut. Also, I managed to discover something during Sacrament, when trying to catch a couple's kid from running out of sacrament, it would be wise (especially if you are already klutzy) to not dash after him while wearing heals. It may result in a twisted ankle, hurt knee and damaged pride. Meetings aside however, it was the cover of the program for Sacrament that caught my attention, there was a scripture quoted there, and it read...

Behold, my arms of mercy are extended toward you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.

~3 Nephi 9:14

Also, since my mom serves in the Library, she makes tons of copies for people in the ward, so I happened to see the program for tonight's Standards Night, which struck me as weird, because I don't have to go anymore... Anyhow the scripture that is quoted for the theme this year is "Be Strong and of Good Courage."

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

~Joshua 1:9

This scripture really struck me, and I really hope that I can remember it in days to come.

Well, this weekend was a great weekend and I really wish that I could skip the next two days and just go straight to Spring Break... I am really looking forward to it. There is some stuff going on with the Epilepsy Association of Utah this week, and then Chrissy and I are taking another adventure to Vegas on Friday, now that I can actually DO the "fun" stuff there! LOL JK.

Be on the lookout for another post!

Always

~Holls

A Philosophical Question: How Can God Allow Evil to Exist?

So, for a class paper in my Philosophy 1000 class, we had the choice to write about one of four things. I chose to write about solving the problem of evil through theodicy. My essay is as follows:

__________________________

Does God Consider Our Souls with the Existence of Evil?

Does He Even Exist?

Does the existence of Evil (suffering) in the world give us good reason to think that God does not exist? Any answer you give to this question must consider both Soul Making and Free Will theodicies.

Many make take the position that God does not exist because of one thing, the existence of Evil (suffering). Many wonder how an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good being could allow the humans to experience such pain and sorrow due to Evil being present in their lives, when He has the capability to prevent Evil from being present, or at least decrease the amount of Evil one must experience through their life. This is a justifiably understandable viewpoint and if it weren’t for the certain Christian religious beliefs, this viewpoint would not even be questioned and it would be deemed true – God cannot exist because of the existence of Evil. Religious beliefs aside however, it is a point to be proven through the theodicies of Soul Making and Free Will, that God does exist. The first theodicy to be addressed in regards to proving God’s existence is Soul Making.

What is the theodicy of Soul Making? The idea of Soul Making as a theodicy is the thought that the reason why humans must endure the pains and sorrows of Evil is because such a trial builds us up, makes us stronger, better people characteristically, spiritually, mentally and sometimes physically as well. So it could be said that without the existence of Evil, our persona, our soul, our entire being, wouldn’t be as strong as it could be without the trials and hardships that Evil presents us with. The idea of Soul Making proving that God exists is similar (on a smaller scale) to that of good parenting.

Sober notes that any good parent allows their child to experience some hard times because it allows them to build their character and to learn a lesson which may not be fully understood if the parent shielded their child from every adverse thing they may encounter. This is analogical to prove that God exists. God allows Evil to exist, he allows us to endure painful trials so that we can develop more fully than if everything we ever needed was essentially “handed to us on a platter.” God, like a good parent, wants to see his creations, his children, grow and develop in more than just physically but a morally, and characteristically as well. Soul Making is just a part of proving why God exists and allows Evil to exist. The second and greater part of this proof is the theodicy of Free Will.

The theodicy of Free Will is basically the idea that Evil exists because God allows his children to make the choice to do good or to do evil. Relating back to Christian religious beliefs, most believe that humans are created in God’s image, therefore, we, like God have the ability to choose what we do in life. It so happens however, that everything that God did was good. The problem with Evil occurs when more humans choose to do Evil than good and it is supposedly from a majority of people choosing to do Evil. What needs to be changed is the realization that choosing to do good does not inhibit what one is able to do, it allows one to be happy and it allows more good to exist in the world than Evil. Another thing about God allowing his children to make the choice between good and evil allows us to understand what “good” and “evil” really is, because really, we wouldn’t know what good is without knowing evil; we wouldn’t know what evil is without knowing good.

In review, it is arguable in spite of the existence of Evil that God does exist because of the thodicies of Soul Making and Free Will. Soul Building as the idea of building one’s character through the trials and tribulations of the evils we encounter, and Free Will as the idea of being able to choose good from evil and more people seem to choose evil over good. These are the theodicies as to why Evil exists and as to why God exists still as an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-good being.

__________________________

So, that's all I have for you, it's my view without really incorporating my religious beliefs. It was difficult to write without the bias of my belief. But, I think that the firmness of my belief and because of my testimony, this was easier to write with a persuasive, authoritative sense.