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Showing posts with label Complaints. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Complaints. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I Wish I Hadn't ...

So, this morning was a little frustrating.

Ok, so the entire morning wasn't frustrating, but part of it was. I woke up early so I could get to work on time, since I was opening and covering for another co-worker. I began to set up shop and go through the process of preparing the store for the day and the employee I was working with shows up, which was fabulous because at that point there was the two of us who were working.

So then another employee shows up, but I didn't know if he was working because he wasn't wearing his work shirt... yet. So, I find out that he's working. Awesome! I thought. Three of us in the store would make time pass by fast. Then I heard the third-arriving-employee comment about covering for another co-worker. I asked for clarification. He and I were both covering for the same guy!  This meant that one of us would have to clock out.

I began to feel selfish.

I began thinking all of these different thoughts, all of which were "I" statements, like, "I woke up extra early," or, "I commuted 50 miles," or even better, "I was here first!" Then it got worse. I started to take my frustration out on my fellow employee.

I began criticizing him.

I started naming all of the reasons, in my head, as to why he should leave.  "He isn't dressed appropriately," or "he was late."  The list went on.  Then, I had to try to decide how to professionally address the matter to one of our superiors, and I had hoped that one of them could make the decision as to who would go home, because I didn't really want to have that awkward conversation.  I knew it would be awkward because we had discussed in previous conversations, the importance of needed hours for income.  And really, who doesn't need income - especially in this economy?  So, I decided to go talk to one of our superiors and present the situation in a diplomatic manner, so as to address the issue that both of us faced and not just me.

 I didn't want to...

I was reluctant to explain what had happened and I was reluctant to go back to my station and have the "who is going home" discussion.  But I did, because I knew it was the right thing to do and the professional thing to do.  We talked it over and came to a common conclusion that it was he who would stay today.

I tried to look on the bright side.

I started to consider the positives of the situation.  It wasn't my fault.  And, more importantly for the sake of my criticisms, it wasn't his fault.  The responsibility for this mix up fell on the person who called us both and agreed to have us both work during that shift.  I thought about what I could do during the time that I had off.  I could go get breakfast.  I could do some social networking for the E.A.U., and finally, I could get an actual post published to my blog.  (Hooray!)  I could see a friend on campus.  I could actually read my e-mail and not just glean from the subject lines as to whether or not I should even look at them.  Then, BAM!  I was back into the mind-set of criticizing my fellow employee again, and the worst part was, it was something that I feared another person, friend, family, or stranger, doing to me.

I judged him.

I won't get into the details about why exactly I judged him, but what I will say is that in Utah, where the dominant religion is "mormonism" it is ironically far too easy to not be so "saint"-like.  In the multicultural class that I took during the first block of summer semester we discussed the influences different aspects of culture, ideology, and society have on us as human beings trying to figure out who we are exactly.  I realized that at this moment, I was taking stereotypical thoughts about people who are LDS in Utah's society, like me, and I was applying those thoughts to him and faulting him for what he had, or didn't have.  As soon as I had said the words I said, I felt my the color rush up into my cheeks.

I wish I hadn't said it at all, let alone thought it.

Who was I to know about what his life is like?

I thought about the things that I would hope that no one judged me for and realized that there was no reason why I should be judging him.

Anyway, I think that while this was an unfortunate even to occur, it was an important time to recognize that I can see what I did wrong and that I want to make my life be a better one and live it in a better way, so that I don't have these issues come up again in work or with my family and friends.  

Are there any little social issues that you regret?  Those little miss-communications that occur because of your mind being too set in your own gain?  Tell me what you think. 


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Makeovers?

Just a brief moment in the musings of my mind.

I was browsing through TV this morning, and happened upon "Home Delivery." The show is about these "life-changing" events that the show generously provides as their form of entertainment. This particular episode was about this woman who had immigrated to New York City from Russia. She was employed as a cab driver in NYC and had an American boyfriend. Now, I don't know who initiated her "Home Delivery," but I was upset with her makeover.

Her "before" picture was completely fine, she is a cutie, modest style and humble appearance. There is nothing wrong with that. Her "after" appearance seemed to be more focused on looking sexy and seductive. All of the men hooted and clapped their approval upon seeing her, which, in my opinion, is objectifying her.

The words" gorgeous," and "beautiful" were common upon response to her appearance. Which is awesome, don't get me wrong. But, what is this telling this young woman from Russia? Did it tell her that she is only beautiful when she is made up to look all sensual and sexy? Did it tell her that beauty only comes from the outside - from the way she looks?

What happened to uniqueness? Individuality? Originality? Personality? Inner beauty? Self esteem? Why is it that we must turn to America's media to be told how to assimilate into what is acceptable and considered beautiful?

I find it frustrating to know women are so oppressed and pressured by the media, consistently and subtly being forced to assimilate to what is considered "beautiful."

I think it's OK to do things for yourself to help you feel good about yourself, but if you don't have a knowledge of your own inner beauty and self esteem, then what good is fashion, makeup and fancy hair?

I don't know, I just feel really frustrated with this concept of bettering people's lives by making them look better...

What do you think?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Quote That Made My Day

So, there have been a few things today that have made my day a bit stressful, and less enjoyable. There is no point, however, in complaining about things that I really have no control over for the moment. However, I must say, while I was browsing through the homepage of my facebook, I saw a particular man's sentiments that I knew were most likely (granted I do not know the full context of his question) directed towards the LDS Church.

Why do some people have opinions on how everything "Should Be" so engrained in their brains that they try to coerce everyone into their mold, especially when they claim to be non-conformists?

This man, used to believe in gospel doctrine, he used to understand and testify of the truth. I found, instead, him and his friends mocking such truths in the comments that followed his question.

The thing is, I don't think he is even searching for an answer, I think it's rhetorical and he is looking to be validated in wanting others to recognize that his way is the only way and it's the best way.

I realize, I am being judgmental of this man, but I am taking my chances - I feel rather confident that I am correct. His schema of the gospel has been twisted. It hurts me to see this be the norm for him. It hurts me that he thinks it's OK to say such things. He is letting himself give up and become defeated in the ways of the world. My only answer for him would be to pray about it, and I (and others) for him, but I don't think he would want it - he mocked the sacredness of prayer in his comments.

On the other hand, there is another young man, whose sentiments brightened my day by a large margin and it seemed to be the answer to my frustration with the previous comments, and this quote made my day.

"Not all will follow the map [Heavenly Father has given us]. They may look at it. They may think it is reasonable, perhaps even true. But they do not follow the divine directions. Many believe that any road will take them to a 'happily ever after.' Some may even become angry when others who know the way try to help and tell them. They suppose that such advice is outdated, irrelevant, out of touch with modern life."[Brothers &] Sisters, they suppose wrong."

(emphasis added)
This is a Daily Gem. "Daily Gems offer inspiration and increased gospel knowledge for both members and nonmembers with quotes from Church leaders on a variety of subjects."

Find the full article.

Anyway, this is a quick post, seeing as how I have class in five minutes or so, but I just wanted to say thank you, to those of you who share things that are inspirational, that others of us may have forgotten.

I hope you have found the quote as helpful as I have. I know I appreciated it.

I'm out!

~Holly Elizabeth

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Still 'Hoping For You' and Missing Daddy

So, I was looking through my self-published poetry and there is a poem that was written about six months ago. The main thought about this poem, stayed the same, even though one of the inferred main characters has become faceless in my attempt to no longer remember he-who-must-not-be-named.

As a tangential, yet relevant, side-note, I was thinking about my Mom and Dad, I've noticed how much she misses him, how much it hurts her to not have him here with us. I know that we know the truthfulness of the gospel, that we will see him again, that he is in a better place. Though, it has almost been a year since his death, I feel lonelier than ever. I was thinking about Dad today, and how much things have changed - but yet not...

I sat in the pew today (two rows up from where I feel most comfortable) with Mom and Christine, it was strange, not having JoAnne with us this week (since she was still to brutally bruised from her car accident this last week), and again, it was still strange not having Dad there. I loved sitting next to him, smelling his aftershave, feeling the comforting texture of his suit coat, sharing stow-away candy with him, watching him play bubblet on his palm pilot that he had hidden behind a hymn book or sacrament program, hearing his soft dozing breaths...

I thought of him yesterday, as I attended the EAU conference and returned with a pin for his collection. Us girls joked that he wouldn't want to wear his Utah pins today since they lost poorly to TCU, but that he would wear the lavender pin on his suit coat to church and wear it proudly - he'd be happy to explain it to anyone who asked about it.

~*~

I've been thinking a lot about friendships, relationships, marriages, and families lately. I mean it's sort of hard not to when you are 21 years old, female, and go to school in Utah County. I am the maid of honor for an engaged friend and recently planned her bachelorette party. I'm a primary teacher in my ward, and I see dozens of young couples who look so happy together, some newlyweds, others with baby-bumps. I see growing families, where mom and dad look worn out, but they love each other and their children just the same. I see elderly couples who grasp each other's hand not only because they are affectionate, but because they are also taking care of the other person.

I feel like I'm missing out. Caught in the space of time between adolescence and adulthood. I mean, yes, I am of legal age - considered an adult. But it is that label "young single adult," where I am classified into living. It seems though, in local society, you aren't really an adult until you've gotten married and been married for at least a year.

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled to be the maid of honor for my friend, I had a ton of fun planning her party, I love my little sunbeams, and it makes me smile to see couples together.

So what am I doing wrong? Probably complaining about it here isn't really helping much. I've heard the advice said that I need to be patient, live the way I'd want him (future spouse) to live, and do what I love to do - that he'll find me that way. But, what if he is thinking the same thing? What if he is being patient, living the way he'd want me to live, and doing what he loves to do? What if we are both just going through life waiting for each other to find the other person? What then?

Personally, as much as I appreciate feminism, I don't think it's the woman who should have to be searching for a man, why can't he search for me? And also, what has society come to that girls get excited about text messages and IMs? What happened to letters, phone calls, walks together and cheesy poems? What happened to emotion, feeling, and expressions?

Ah, well, "...someday my prince will come..."

Let me know what you think, and if you have any advice for me.

~Holly Elizabeth

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Background Love

So, first what I want you to do is take a look at the picture. Think about it, how it makes you feel, what it stirs within you, if anything.

















Now that you have done that, if you would, I want you to comment and let me know what it was that you felt.

I created this image for a reason. In a few days time I hope to come back to let you know why I did it, but first, let me know what you think.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

At This Moment

~*~
And what did you think I would say at this moment?
When I'm faced with the knowledge that you just don't love me
Did you think I would curse you or say things to hurt you?
'Cause you just don't love me no more

Did you think I could hate you or raise my hands to you?
Oh come on, you know me too well
And how could I hurt you when, darlin', I love you
And you know I would never hurt you, no, no, no

~*~

I'd fall down on my knees, kiss the ground that you walk on
If I could just hold you, if I could just hold you
I would fall don, down on my knees, oh God, please
Let me hold you, let me hold you again


The preceding stanzas are selections from Michael Buble's latest album, Crazy Love, from a song called, At This Moment.

So, I have put off posting this simply because admitting the fact that still sort of hurt makes it seem to hurt all that much more. It is honestly fascinating to me to think that even when I care about someone so deeply, on a level I have never felt before and I can share the sweetest moments with a young man but it isn't enough, or I am not enough, or something...

I realize now, that if he couldn't see the value of being with me then he must not be worth being sad about, right? I mean, we never officially dated, but it seemed like it was going to go that direction and I thought things were different this time. I guess it's just hard to see someone I care about choose to not care about me in the way I thought he did and then I see the person he chooses to care about through social networks like Facebook and I wonder, what makes her better? But I can't think that way, can I? Ah, enough babbling and ranting.

My thanks goes out to my best girls who support me, (you know who you are) and the collection of varying comfort-songs that get me through the day when the day gets going!

Any advice for me?

*sigh*

~Holls

Sunday, August 24, 2008

A Sunday Still Unstained by Homework

Well, this week has been... interesting... I will give you the quick recap.

Monday
  • Work

Tuesday
  • Helped Mom at WX
    • Ate Breakfast with Briahna and Kaylee
  • New Epileptologist Appointment
    • Psycho Phlebotomist
  • Talked with U of U student on TRAX
  • Hung Out with Jeff M.
    • Ate at Litza's Pizza
    • Shared music on our MacBooks

Wednesday
  • Helped Mom at WX
  • Took Frontrunner/TRAX/UTA Bus to Campus
  • Found my classes
    • ASL Level 3
    • Philosophy
    • Shakespeare
    • Sociology
    • Symphonic Band
  • Explored the new Library
  • Saw Joe...
  • Bought my books
  • Signed up for Institute
    • Dating and Courtship
    • Friday Devotionals

Thursday
  • Hung Out With Breelyn
    • Breakfast at Johanna's Restaurant
    • Saw Mama Mia at Jordan Commons
  • Work

Friday
  • Work
  • Shopping at Dad's Work (Caterpilliar [CAT])
  • Shopping at Wal-Mart
    • New Shirt
    • Tink Bag
    • Purple iHome
    • School Supplies
    • Jewelry
Saturday
  • Wrote the most of my talk
  • Work
  • Finsihed writing talk

Sunday
  • Nursery Calling
  • Gave Report on Hill Cumorah Pageant Experience in Sacrament
  • Went to YSA Class

Pretty much all I have been doing today is exactly what I want... I have been able to surf the internet and just listen to music and enjoy the day. This is probably the last week that I will have a weekend, let alone a Sunday that I won't have to do homework. I am hoping though, that I won't have to do homework on Sunday. I start school this Wednesday and I am pretty excited about it.

I've sort of had a lot on my mind lately, stuff pertaining to work, school, and my new epileptologist. I won't be working nearly as much now that school is starting. It is a good thing that I won't be working because I get so tired so easily but at the same time, I am going to miss the people that I work with and I am going to miss the fabric...

I don't know what to think about my new epileptologist... she seems nice, and kind, but I am really sort of nervous about the whole thing... I have some new perscriptions that I am going to start in a month...

There is so much more I want to tell you right now, but my mind really isn't working too well with me...

TTYL
~Holly Elizabeth

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Raised Eyebrow Interesting

Ok, so how long has it been since I have posted anything? The last time I posted was in April and all of May went by without any word and we are now into the second week of June and here I am to say that I am back for a new post! *Accepts thunderous applause and bows*

Alrighty then, enough of the imaginary applauding, lets get to the good stuff shall we?

Sooooooo, where to start, where to start? Well, I guess I will start with an explanation for my absence away from my blog, which I know you all read so often! I think what happened was that after some interesting events and encounters with friends I no longer had the motivation to post anything for a while. I mean, what is the point of posting something if the people who read it are not going to read it? Case and point made, I will move on and away from that disappointing and depressing subject.

So it turns out that my grades are as good as I thought they would be;
ASL 2010 - A
ASL 2040 - A
ENGL 2010 - A
HLTH 1100 - A
MUSC 130R - A
PHYS 1010 - B

I think I did pretty good for myself!

Wow, I am way tired, I just realized, and I didn't cover nearly as much as I thought I would, so it will have to be procrastinated just a little bit longer readers!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Unwritten, Unafraid, & Untitled

Wow, it is has been nearly two weeks since I have said a word here... that is kinda unusual. Well, today is Sunday and I think it is time for an update. I am sure that there might be question about what the title means, and really it is sort of my mood right now, and I didn't know what to call this post and there are so many things that I wish to address in this post but I don't think I have the time nor mental capacity to put all my thoughts out here. I think I will work from the most recent events and work backwards - I'll see how far I get.

This past week has been a roller coaster for me it was extremely stressful and it was exhausting. I'm still on the fritz with my close friends, and honestly, so much has happened since that argument that I am beginning to wonder why I let things get to me and why I let things get so out of control, because looking back at it, it was the dumbest thing to get mad about...

A couple of people whom I still consider friends, broke up this last week. I couldn't believe it when I heard it and I tried to tell the person who broke it off that he didn't have to do it the way he did and that his breaking up with her hurts not only her but the people around both him and her. I don't think I have ever been in a relationship with the level of seriousness that he had for her but I can only imagine how much it must have hurt. I wish that I could help them both and make it work but I think that it is too late for that - too late for me to be allowed to help and offer suggestions. In the words of OneRepublic "It's too late to apologize," which is an extremely hard thing for anyone to hear.

This last week I had a paper to write for English and unfortunately I had put it off a bit, I mean, I had done the research and I had gotten it started, but it was no where close to being done when I got going on it again. So I had induced stress that didn't need to be there along with the uncomfortable feeling of tenseness with my friends. My week was sleepless, I probably got a maximum of 4 hours of sleep in a night and a minimum of 3 hours of sleep. Even with all of what was going on this last week, lets add one more thing to the pile. The Deaf Studies Today Conference was going on all this week at UVU, it was an amazing conference, I only attended the days that had workshops and presenters, I missed the Deaf Artwork and Film Festival. I volunteered my time to helping some of the presenters but I was also able to go to workshops of my choice as well. Needless to say, my decision to cut out the caffeinated soda in my diet was ruined, I mean, I couldn't function through the day without a little jump-start to my day. I know that is terrible, but that is what comes of dating a guy for eight months who loves Mountain Dew.

More about the Deaf Conference, it was very enlightening to have those who are in the Deaf Community speak (or sign as the case may be) about what issues were prominent int today's Deaf Culture. There were 4 main things that I will sharply remember about the conference, and I will probably blog about them in detail at a later date.
  1. The feature film The Wrong Game
  2. Presentation by authoress Ella Mae Lentz about Deaf Studies
  3. Discussion about the Importance of Interpreters in the Deaf Community
  4. How Deaf people are represented in the Media
There is going to be a conference coming up this summer and it is going to be in Milwaukee and it is in late June. I hope that I can get my sister to deviate from our plans and make a side trip to Wisconsin.

Well, most of you know that I was gone for a bit on the band trip and it was better than I thought it would be. I mean when I heard that we were going to Durango, Colorado, I wasn't exactly stoked for it - I mean, I was glad to get away from school for a bit but I thought, "Colorado... woo-hoo... *moves index finger in circular motion with bored look on face* " But it actually was a good experience, it was interesting and fun and I got a chance to really get to know my fellow band-mates better. I got a chance to seriously be independent since Butch isn't a thing like Doc.
I had the opportunity to understand what it is like to find out what one of my friends is really like and how sometimes they are not who you think they are at which time I reflected upon how I had been as a friend and I think I got a taste of my own medicine, so to speak...

Durango was interesting, the group of people that I hung out with all went to a family Mexican restaurant called Tequila's and all of us were just fascinated with how the bar-tender made drinks at the bar for other patrons since we were all from Happy Valley and had never seen a bar before - lol. We had a table that was just off to the side of the bar and so we could see all that he was doing and noticed that he put 6 shots in the Margaritas. Oh, and the fried ice cream was soooooooooooooo good! At one of the stores in Durango, I bought an ugly doll, and he is so cute, his name is Wedgehead! This is the little quote that comes with him...
Wedgehead has his eye on you. And he likes what he sees!
He knows exactly what you mean. Of course he has to stand
on his head to do so...but he totally gets it. See...you are his
proof! Evidence that humans really do exist! But to prove this
to his best buddy Ox...Wedghead needs something. You know
that pocket change you've been saving? Yeah, Wedgehead
kinda needs all of it. No? OK. Hug?
I had a ton of fun when we stopped in Moab at "The Hole in the Rock," Butch cooked steaks and some of the more experienced band members cooked dutch oven cheesy potatoes and buttery bacon and mushrooms to go over the steak. I also learned how to play a football game called 500 and one of the trombone guys, Nate, told me that I had a good arm and a good "spiral." No worries though, he is married so I'm not over analyzing this guy.

Here are some pics from the trip









Monticello, Utah Temple











Frozen Grass in Monticello











Up-close Frozen Grass











Self-Portrait of me on the Bus
(which looks pretty good, since I had just gotten out of bed)










At The Hole In The Rock, Moab











Kris and Danny (Clarinet and Alto Saxophone)











Lacey, A-Reum aka "Autumn" and Corbin (Trumpet, Flute and Trumpet (I think))










Playing "500" with the guys
(Photo from Mark)











Redrocks


Ok, well I have more fabulous pics that I would love to show you, but the uploading is killing me for time so I am going to stop for now. I hope that was a good update for ya'll. TTYL

Love Always,
~Holls

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Too Much Time on Your Hands?

OK, so what is the deal here? Either these people do not have a life, or they are depriving themselves of a job or they are getting paid to make these videos. But who am I to complain? I like watching them and, um, do I want to really DO anything right now? No, why else do you think I am here? Anyway, besides me talking about how these people have too much time on their hands let me make my next point.

Enlighten me on something - when did the first original Numa Numa song come out? How many versions have been made of it? How many YouTube videos have been made to the tune of that song? These are my questions for you and if you have any inkling as to the answer that I am searching for please share it. (I should probably just hit up Wikipedia and see, but I am currently writing this so... yeah)

Well, the latest on Dan Balan is that he is the new Crazy Loop and I am loving that new song just as much as I love Numa Numa - and what do these songs mean? Well, even Putty admits to them being far past her normal randomness and she is random! Does it really matter what they mean, so long as we get a kick out of them? I dunno.

Well I have a few videos to share with you but I would embed them here, I will post the links though.

These are a few examples of people who have too much time on their hands to make videos to the tune of Numa Numa.


Numa Numa Contest
$5,000 Winner
$10,000 Winner
$25, 000 Winner

These were the ones that I could immediately find on YouTube - if you want you can go to NewNuma.com to see more of these funny vids.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Music & Lyrics


Have you ever wondered why it is that we choose the music we do? Have you ever wondered how it is that we can find songs that relate to whatever is going on in our lives? I find, in my own experience that I will listen to music that goes along with my mood, and whatever is on my mind. I find the way that artists combine their words with notes to be so amazing... the way that they sing and articulate certain syllables, the way that for one part there is a sudden crescendo and for another there is a slow decrescendo until the sound is so soft it is barely a whisper.

What song is on your mind right now?
If there were a song that you wanted me to hear what would it be?
Are their lyrics that you can relate to?
Does your choice of music change with your mood?
What are your thoughts on music and their lyrics?

I am just really curious about this today, because I either choose my music based on my mood or my music influences my mood. If you want to answer the questions that would be great, if not just say whatever.

I hope you all are enjoying good music and lyrics.
Lots of Love to Ya!

~Holly

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Institute Boys - Part IV

Ok, so you have heard about how wonderful Tom is, you have heard about how much of a flirt he is and finally, you have heard about how he told me just recently that he has a girlfriend... and girls are supposed to be complicated?

So, yesterday was the last day of Institute and I was really surprised to see that Tom wasn't there. When the role came around I looked at his attendance history, which anyone can look at, and I saw that besides today, he had been to every single class from the beginning. So even though I decided that I am not going to pursue him it bothered me that he wasn't there. It wasn't like him to not come to institute. So then I started worrying about how maybe he was working on another assignment, or he was consoling some other needy girl. I sent him a text asking him where he was and it wasn't until 15 minutes before the end of class that he finally showed up.

Somewhat annoyed, somewhat relieved to see him I passed him a note, asking him where he had been and sure enough, he was settling problems between three of his admirers and his girlfriend. Apparently a cat fight had broken out just outside of the Wal-Mart where he works – since they had all come to see him at the same time... This doesn't surprise me in any way... I wonder if he likes that kind of attention.

Anyhow, after class, I was curious to know more about what happened with the girls. I relish a good cat fight story. ;) I should have just walked out. I don't get it, there is just something about him that draws me to him, some little quirk of his... So inevitably, we walked out of the class together, I was walking somewhat in front of him, as I didn't really want to walk next to him, if that tells you anything. We stopped at the balcony that overlooks the common area entrance and we looked at the view.

I had had a tough day, and I didn't feel good that day. So I suppose that it was me feeling a bit sick that caused some of the negative thoughts I was having that day. He was staring at me again, and he said to tell him what was wrong. Well, I didn't want to... there are just some things that don't need to be spoken about and there are some things that guys don't need to know about. But no! He pushed me and pushed me to tell him what was wrong with me.

My problem is that I get caught up in his kindness and sweetness, that it isn't until afterwards that I realize what I could have done to just get out of the situation. He is so freakin' confusing to me! He flirts with me, he was trying to tickle me yesterday – which purely annoyed me. He compliments me, saying that I am adorable and beautiful and that no man will ever be worthy of me. As much as I want to believe him and as much as I know that he is probably right, why is he, of all people, telling me this?

He has a handful of other girls after him and his own girlfriend to worry about. I don't like how he sacrifices his time that he could be working on things that he needs to get done – for example, his 6 page essay that he was supposed to be working on – and he talks to me why? Why does he even care about me if he already has a girlfriend, why does he take the time, when I know the he knows that I would rather that he would do what he needs to do other than what he feels obligated to do. Even though I know he is just trying to help, I didn't want his help, I don't like feeling like a pity project, just another one of his needy girls...

I think the thing that I don't like about him the most is that I feel like I am powerless when he is around me, like I have no say, that he is always right and why should I talk... he already knows what is wrong. Like yesterday, he looked into my eyes, even though they were diverted from his, and he told me how I was feeling and who I am and what I need, what I want – all in a general sense, but at the same time, it was like he was looking into my eyes and reading my thoughts. It is creepy! He brought many of the things that I have tried to push down and away up to the surface of my thoughts and I didn't like it! I felt intimidated and violated by it. He overwhelms me with so many different feelings that I felt like I was going to pass out after he left.

Anyway, I have talked with a few of you about this already... I am sort of glad that I won't have to see him again. He stressed me out too much.

Your comments are appreciated!
Love you all!
*hugs*
~Holls

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Vibrations of the Bass Drum

Today, I had band class. It was good, I enjoyed it and we actually got through a lot of music today! We sounded really good on our classical stuff, which is a rarity. But then, at the end of class we were playing Pep Band Music. Most of the time I love Pep Band, but when people can't sight-read new music, it is just ridiculous... The thing that annoyed me most about it was that the drum set sits right behind the clarinet section and the whole time I could barely hear myself, or anyone else for that matter. All I could hear was the "boom-da-boom-boom" of the drum, all I could feel were the vibrations of the drum in my chest, it was a wonder that my eyes weren't shaking from it all. Oh well, I think I can hear all right... Our next game is on Tuesday, which will be fun - I hope that the basketball doesn't attack me like it did last time. Last game, we were sitting there and one of the players barreled into the cheerleaders and the ball came and barreled into my stand and me. It was quite humorous... "I saw my life flash before my eyes..." well it wasn't that bad :)
Well, I know this is short, but I will post more later.
All for now,
~Holly