Stuck on the “Error” of My Ways…

I think I am starting to really identify what slows me up when I look at doing my work for ASL classes.  I am not confident in my ability with the language. Why?  I am not confident in myself to convey it [the language].  Looking over past reading assignments, I can see that I focus too much on finding reasons for errors, which Patrie reports (via Kussmaul) that such focus is appropriate for language learning.  (CI Book, page 7-8) So either I don’t know the language – which is doubtful since I have been learning, studying, and practicing ASL since 2005 – or I am psyching myself out.  I think it is the latter. 

A few of things could be happening to me.  I could be having more seizures and therefore struggling cognitively.  I could be experiencing more severe side effects from the Depekote which can cause severe drowsiness, irritability, and depression, among other things – so I might be unsure of myself because of that.  I could be focusing on the stigma and oppression of identifying as a person with a disability, as compared to when I was younger and I didn’t identify that way – being in an oppressed minority can cause depression, can it not?  I seemed to succeed more when I was younger, but then I am studying a foreign language.  Would it not be easier for me to study something in my native tongue?  Maybe I am finally dealing with the sorrow of the loss of my Father, which I was strictly instructed to put behind me and move on quickly.  I really do miss him.  Maybe I am tired of living with my Mother and feeling I cannot assert my independence.  Maybe I am just genuinely depressed apart from everything else – I have been diagnosed as being “depressed” in the past. 

Why do I base the worth of myself in what others say?  I berate myself for any little thing that is said negative about me.  Why do I fall apart when I am rejected by a romantic prospect?  Why do I live in the past where all of my sins are?  I can’t move forward if I am living this way, but I feel stuck.       

I want so much to give up and say that I can’t do it because of this, this, and that.  It would be easier that way.  I am behind on my schoolwork and it isn’t appropriate to utilize ADA accommodations for this, is it?  No, I highly doubt it.  I just have to face my teachers and accept the consequences for not being responsible. 

Anyway, I focus far too much on what is wrong with my signing, and I worry too much that I am going to screw up the interpretation.  I worry that I won’t pass the certification exams.  I worry that, if I do become certified, I will somehow inadvertently breach the interpreters code of ethics.

So, the main question here, aside from my psychological status, is how do you go about determining the communicative function of the [miscue]?  I read the example about President Carter’s interpreter and the grave errors that s/he made during a visit to Poland.  I know that I won’t be doing anything that… (For lack of a better word) “…Important” as I start of at the Novice level, but I am pretty sure I would die (literally) if I knew that I had be the originator of such a serious miscue. 

I am so… pardon my language, but I am so damn over-analytical of myself… I really want to pursue a career in ASL interpreting, but things like this make me wonder if can I handle it?  What are the necessary adjustments I need to make in order to do so?  Can I make those adjustments in a timely manner?  Is it worth it?  Really? 

That’s all I can think about for now.

Audfairy88 over and out.

The Quote That Made My Day

So, there have been a few things today that have made my day a bit stressful, and less enjoyable. There is no point, however, in complaining about things that I really have no control over for the moment. However, I must say, while I was browsing through the homepage of my facebook, I saw a particular man's sentiments that I knew were most likely (granted I do not know the full context of his question) directed towards the LDS Church.

Why do some people have opinions on how everything "Should Be" so engrained in their brains that they try to coerce everyone into their mold, especially when they claim to be non-conformists?

This man, used to believe in gospel doctrine, he used to understand and testify of the truth. I found, instead, him and his friends mocking such truths in the comments that followed his question.

The thing is, I don't think he is even searching for an answer, I think it's rhetorical and he is looking to be validated in wanting others to recognize that his way is the only way and it's the best way.

I realize, I am being judgmental of this man, but I am taking my chances - I feel rather confident that I am correct. His schema of the gospel has been twisted. It hurts me to see this be the norm for him. It hurts me that he thinks it's OK to say such things. He is letting himself give up and become defeated in the ways of the world. My only answer for him would be to pray about it, and I (and others) for him, but I don't think he would want it - he mocked the sacredness of prayer in his comments.

On the other hand, there is another young man, whose sentiments brightened my day by a large margin and it seemed to be the answer to my frustration with the previous comments, and this quote made my day.

"Not all will follow the map [Heavenly Father has given us]. They may look at it. They may think it is reasonable, perhaps even true. But they do not follow the divine directions. Many believe that any road will take them to a 'happily ever after.' Some may even become angry when others who know the way try to help and tell them. They suppose that such advice is outdated, irrelevant, out of touch with modern life."[Brothers &] Sisters, they suppose wrong."

(emphasis added)

This is a Daily Gem. "Daily Gems offer inspiration and increased gospel knowledge for both members and nonmembers with quotes from Church leaders on a variety of subjects."

Find the full article.

Anyway, this is a quick post, seeing as how I have class in five minutes or so, but I just wanted to say thank you, to those of you who share things that are inspirational, that others of us may have forgotten.

I hope you have found the quote as helpful as I have. I know I appreciated it.

I'm out!

~Holly Elizabeth

Life, As It Stands - part II

The Blame Game:
Who are you pointing your finger at for your problems?
Who am I pointing my finger at for my problems?

So, approximately 10 months ago, I wrote a post that started with a statement on the fact that I hadn't blogged in over six months. I posted at least once a month for five months after that, and then... I didn't. Ok, so I didn't break the record and not post for more than six months, but we are almost there. I am on the five month mark. Why return before half a year has passed? I owe it to Sabin's Corner.

Daniel Sabin is an awesome, amazing, musical, poetic, and spontaneous man. I am blessed to have him as a friend. Daniel seemingly starting blogging, sort of on a whim, after making scrumptious brownies. It was refreshing to read his post(s). It inspired me to get back to my own blogging. I could blame school, I could blame, boredom, I could blame Facebook, as I did before. Good heavens, I could even go so far as to blame the side effects of my epilepsy, or my medication for it, or the fact that my family celebrated my father's 61st birthday without him being there in his physical form. But, why? Why the heck should I lay out all of my excuses for anything? Why should I search for a reason to be lame? I am Holly Elizabeth and I am amazing. I have power over my own choices and I know I am beautiful. Period. Oh yeah, I know it's dumb to blame my mood swings on that and I shan't anymore... OK, then!

Anyway, as for the rest of this post... I could go through my mixed-up-memory and try to sort it out into a list of things I hope to cover sometime soon. But for now- My post is briefer than usual. (Does that mean my other posts are boxers?)

My thought for today, don't play the blame game. Accept responsibility for your own choices and the consequences they have. Accept the fact that no matter what life has to throw at you and your face, you are still in control of one thing - YOU!